dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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