Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
