you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
