I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
