Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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