He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
