somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
