hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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