Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
