I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
