if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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