This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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