it was like his penis was on wheels.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
