If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
