Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
