Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
