forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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