i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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