Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
