My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
