i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
