I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
