i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
