Nicole vs. Life
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
