so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
