Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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