I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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