i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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