I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
