I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
