Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
