You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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