Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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