im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
