Pants 0. Shit 1.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
