Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
