Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
