Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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