I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
