Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
