She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
