New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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