Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
