You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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