I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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