I smell stomach acid.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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