God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
