don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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