Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
