I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
