In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
