Just cropdusted the office
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
