I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
