I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
