around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
