I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
